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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27164357">Batman's Guide to Interacting with the Justice League</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daniela_is_not_amused/pseuds/Daniela_is_not_amused'>Daniela_is_not_amused</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>How Legends Are Made [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics), Justice League - All Media Types, Superman - All Media Types, Wonder Woman - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Batfamily (DCU), Batfamily (DCU) Feels, Batfamily-centric (DCU), Boys Being Boys, Bruce Wayne Kills Joker (DCU), Bruce Wayne is So Done, Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, But he's good now, Creepy Batfamily (DCU), Dead Joker (DCU), Diana and Clark know, Family Fluff, Family Shenanigans, Famous Wayne Family, Gen, Jason Todd &amp; Bruce Wayne Have a Good Relationship, Jason Todd is Red Hood, Kinda, Meddling Kids, Protective Bruce Wayne, Slow To Update, Sort Of, Wayne Family, bruce doesn't have a no kill policy, he does but he broke it for jason, kids being kids, the JL doesn't know Bruce is Batman, the others dont, well kinda</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 00:34:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,036</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27164357</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daniela_is_not_amused/pseuds/Daniela_is_not_amused</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Bruce has a hard time trusting others so he keeps his family away from the Justice League's mess. His kids don't seem to understand this (quite simple) concept so he creates a guide. </p><p>It goes mostly ignored.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Batfamily Members &amp; Bruce Wayne, Batfamily Members &amp; Clark Kent, Batfamily Members &amp; Diana (Wonder Woman), Batfamily Members &amp; Justice League (DCU), Bruce Wayne &amp; Everyone, Cassandra Cain &amp; Tim Drake &amp; Dick Grayson &amp; Duke Thomas &amp; Jason Todd &amp; Bruce Wayne &amp; Damian Wayne, Justice League &amp; Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake &amp; Dick Grayson &amp; Alfred Pennyworth &amp; Jason Todd &amp; Bruce Wayne &amp; Damian Wayne, Tim Drake &amp; Dick Grayson &amp; Jason Todd &amp; Bruce Wayne &amp; Damian Wayne</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>How Legends Are Made [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1976635</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>480</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Batman's Guide to Interacting with the Justice League</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>PLEASE READ THE TAGS!!!</p><p>In this universe, Bruce formed his batfamily before the JL came around. After Jason's death, Joker confronted Bruce and taunted him with graphic descriptions of what happened. Bruce snapped and killed the Joker. After that, Thalia steals Jason's body, takes him to the League of Assassins and then to the Pit. Jason returns (runs, really) to Gotham 3 years after his death, pit madness-free and with Damian in tow.</p><p>At this point, the League is a few months away from being formed.</p><p>Ok, that's it.</p><p>Cheat codes to understand who's talking:<br/>B - Bruce<br/>J - Jason<br/>T- Tim<br/>D - Dick<br/>DW - Damian<br/>A - Alfred</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>1. Don’t.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>2. Don’t let them see you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>3. Don’t let them hear you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>4. Don’t let them know you’re there.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>5. Stay within Gotham’s borders.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>6. If you see an outsider (friendly or not) in Gotham or close to its borders, report it immediately.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>7. Do not engage.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>8. Let me take care of them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>9. No, not telling them about you isn’t a matter of being “overprotective”, “paranoid” or “embarrassed”. It’s a matter of preserving our identities and keeping us safe.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>10. If the time comes, and you have to work with the Justice League, you will act according to the following rules:</span>
</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.1 Don’t try to “nightwing it”. It never ends well.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.1.1. I resent that. Also is the first rule about ME? Have you seen what Jason does? - D</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.2. DO NOT USE YOUR REAL NAMES. CODENAMES ON THE FIELD AT ALL TIMES.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.2.1. Hear that, demon brat? - J</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.2.1.1. Shut up, Todd. - DW</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.2.1.1.1. See, he’s already breaking the rules! - J</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.2.1.1.1.1. Stop adding useless commentary to this list. - B</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.2.1.1.1.1.1. Or what? You’ll add another rule? - J</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.3. For the last time, stop pretending to be another hero and/or vigilante.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.4. If you are on the League’s premises, please wear your uniform or an appropriate outfit. </span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.5. Wonder Woman is not a museum artifact. Please refrain from gawking.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.5.1. Neither is Superman.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.5.2. Nor is the Flash.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.5.3. No one in the Justice League will appreciate your staring. Stop doing it.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.6. If you know the true identity of a Justice League member, do not throw it in their face. Do not taunt them with it. They will jump to conclusions and stop trusting me and the League.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.7. YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO “TRY OUT” OTHER PEOPLE’S WEAPONS AND/OR GADGETS. I DON’T CARE IF THEY GAVE YOU THEIR PERMISSION. DO NOT TAKE THEM AND DO NOT USE THEM ON YOUR PARTNERS.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.8. I know they aren’t properly trained yet. I’m doing my best. Stop taunting them (and me) with their pathetic fighting skills.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.8.1. Funny, I remember quite vividly someone telling me that if I wasn’t ready to fight, that I shouldn't fight. I wonder who that was. - T</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.8.1.1. You were ten. And I’m your father. - B</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.8.1.1.1. Your point being? - T</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.9. I don’t care if you’ve been a vigilante for over a decade or how many criminals you’ve stopped, you are not allowed to have an all-access Justice League pass.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.9.1. That doesn’t mean you should make your own, Richard.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.10. Stop pretending to be supernatural creatures. The Green Lantern is already convinced I’m not human, don’t encourage him.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.11. Stop hacking into the Justice League’s computers, Tim.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.11.1 I’m not the only one doing it, old man. Dick and Jason do it all the damn time.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.11.1.1. Snitches get stitches, bitch. - J</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.11.1.1.1. Don’t think I don’t know you were the one teaching them how to do it. - B</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.12. Stop using Diana and/or Clark to prank each other and/or Justice League members.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.13. If you’re going to make inappropriate comments about someone, at least make sure that said person is not within hearing range. And, more importantly, that I’m not within-hearing range.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.14. I’m not the Justice League’s dad. Stop saying so.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.14.1. On that note, Diana isn’t the League’s mom. Clark isn’t the League’s (other?) dad. Stop trying to make this into a family thing.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.15. Telling the Justice League to leave Gotham is one thing; traumatizing them is another. Please keep that in mind.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.16. Stop implying I’m using mind control to keep you all in check. I wish I was. It would make my life so much easier.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.17. Once and for all, do not treat missions with the Justice League as playdates. Pay attention, be professional and get things done as fast as possible.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.18. Don’t test weapons and/or poisons on the Justice League.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.18.1. Don’t suggest doing it in Justice League meetings either.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.19. Stop trying to convince the Justice League that you can read minds.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.20 Stop trying to convince the Justice League that we all share a mindlink.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.21. Metahumans are not allowed in Gotham, unless:</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>a) the fate of gotham/the country/the planet/the universe is in immediate danger;</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>b) they are underage and working with/for us;</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>c) they are underage and injured/in danger;</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>d) they have explicit permission to be here (given by me and, even then, they can only go where I tell them to, and stay for as long as I allow them to).</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.21.1. This rule applies to all metas, regardless of them being your friend or not.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.21.1.1. Stop letting Arsenal drop by whenever he wants, Jason. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.21.1.1.1. Is your memory this shit, old man? He’s not a meta, remember? - J</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.21.1.1.1.1. He’s Green Arrow’s mentee. That’s reason enough. - B</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.21.1.1.1.1.1. That’s bullshit. It's not his fault Green Asshole is such a little bitch. - J</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote><p>
    <span>10.22. YOU ARE ALL HEREBY FORBIDDEN OF TRYING TO CONVINCE THE JUSTICE LEAGUE THAT WE ARE:</span>
  </p>
<ul>
<li><span>part bat;</span></li>
<li><span>vampires;</span></li>
<li><span>demons;</span></li>
<li><span>metahumans (of any kinds and with any type of powers you can think of);</span></li>
<li><span>guardian angels (I still don’t understand HOW you managed to trick Barry into believing this one);</span></li>
<li><span>guardian demons (is that even possible?);</span></li>
<li><span>mind readers (there are actual mind readers in the League’s ranks - this can only end poorly);</span></li>
<li><span>immortal;</span></li>
<li><span>time travelers;</span></li>
<li><span>cursed (this one might be true, all things considered. Still, don’t);</span></li>
<li><span>ghosts;</span></li>
<li><span>shadow people;</span></li>
<li><span>angels of death;</span></li>
<li><span>fallen angels;</span></li>
<li><span>aliens;</span></li>
<li><span>mothmen.</span></li>
</ul><p>
    <strong>
      <em>NOTE: This list is constantly being updated. Do not ignore recent updates.</em>
    </strong>
  </p></blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.23. If the Joker is brought up, do not offer any explanations. This is between us.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.23.1. Same thing goes for all Gotham criminals. If I feel the need to explain anything to the Justice League, I will. Until then, keep all information to yourself.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.24. Stop inviting Wonder Woman for a “sparring session”. You will get your ass handed to you. And Diana will feel bad for fighting ‘her nephews and/or nieces’.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.24.1. Same thing goes for Superman.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.24.1.1. I know you could probably beat Queen in hand-to-hand combat and, while that would be very entertaining to watch, that doesn’t mean you have the permission to do so.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.24.2. Stop picking fights with my coworkers.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.25. Do not refer to Superman as ‘an alien’. It hurts his feelings and he ends up looking like a kicked puppy for weeks.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.26. If a member of the Justice League unknowingly invites you to join them, DO NOT TAKE THE OFFER. NOT EVEN ‘AS A JOKE’.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.27. Stop calling me during Justice League meetings in a frustrated attempt to expose us. It’s futile, childish and dangerous.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.28. Don’t invite the Justice League to go out for sushi and do not eat sushi in front of Aquaman. I really shouldn’t have to say this.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.29. Oracle, I won’t ask you to stop hacking into the Justice League’s servers, but please do it subtly. Don’t pretend to be a malicious A.I. who has decided to take over the world.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.30. Stop playing with the watchover’s lights, thermostats, coffee machines and showers. It’s driving the team insane and someone is going to get killed if this doesn’t stop soon.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.31. Do not bet on who’d die first if the Justice League had to protect Gotham. It’s rude and it makes everyone uncomfortable.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.31.1. My money is still on Arrow. - T</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.31.1.1. No way, dude. Our water is fucking gross. Aquaman would be dead as soon as he got close to our shore. - D</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.31.1.1.1. The prolonged exposure to the lack of sun and great amount of lead in Gotham’s abandoned warehouses would probably weaken Superman enough to ensure an easy kill. - DW</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.31.1.1.1.1. What did I just say? - B</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.32. WE DO NOT PRAY TO A BAT GOD. STOP SAYING SO.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.32.1. On that note, we don’t give said bat god ‘the literal blood of our enemies’ as an offering every night.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.32.1.1. Stop trying to convince the Justice League that I am some kind of bat god and/or priest.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.33.  Meeting up with any of the Justice League members and starting any sentence with ‘I’m sure none of you would dare…’ is explicitly forbidden.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.34. Do not inquire as to why a hero and/or vigilante is or is not part of the League in said hero/vigilante’s presence.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.35. Any attempt to start a prank war in the watchover is forbidden and will be punished accordingly. If one of these pranks reaches the Flash or the Green Lantern, you will not be protected from their retaliation.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.36. We all know Wonder Woman has a distinctive speech pattern. Do not imitate it.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.36.2. Same thing goes for Superman.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.36.3. And Aquaman.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.37. Keep in mind there is a fine line between healthy curiosity and lightheartedness and being a danger to yourself and others. When it comes to the League, the consequences of being the latter are extremely exacerbated.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.38. </span>
    <span>The watchover is not a safe place for pets. Should you happen to ignore this and bring one on board, make sure you keep the pet restrained at all times. You never know what may happen to one should it wander off, but it likely won’t end well for the pet or for you.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.39. Fangirling every time you see Superman and/or Wonder Woman is unprofessional. Being starstruck is one thing, ‘hidden’ shrines in your desk drawer and/or bedrooms are another.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.40. STOP challenging the League to a drinking game, especially if you can't drink legally yet.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.41. STOP MENTIONING THALIA AND/OR THE LEAGUE OF ASSASSINS IN FRONT OF THE JUSTICE LEAGUE. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.41.1. Keep my mother's name out of your whore mouth. - DW</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.41.1.1. Damian, you’re not allowed to use that kind of language. - B</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.42. Stop coming up with new ways to embarrass me in front of League members.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.42.1. But it’s so much fun, old man. - J</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.42.1.1. I’ll ground you for a year if you don’t stop.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.42.1.1.1. I’m an adult. You can’t ground me. - J</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.42.1.1.1.1. You’re grounded.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.43. DO NOT ACTIVELY SEEK OUT JUSTICE LEAGUE MEMBERS SO YOU CAN ‘HANG OUT’ WITH THEM.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.43.1. You’re just jealous because you know we’re cooler than you. - J</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.44. Stop sending me ‘death threats’ during Justice League meetings in order to scare them. It’s futile and extremely annoying.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.44.1. The next person that sends me a death threat better be ready to follow it through. This is your last warning.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.45. Stop comparing Justice League members to Gotham’s villains, even if they exhibit extreme similarities. It’s highly inappropriate.</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>10.46. You are not, and will never be, allowed to “test” members of the Justice League in order to see if they are “worthy” of working with me.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.46.1. Those imbeciles are putting you at risk because they refuse to learn and improve. We are only trying to ensure your well being, Father. - DW</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>10.46.1.1. While I appreciate the concern, I’m a grown man. I make my own decisions and what happens within the League is none of your concern. - B</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>English is not my first language. Not beta-read. All mistakes are mine.</p><p>Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this story. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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